Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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