he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
