if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
