I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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