Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
