hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
