Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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