I want to make a zoo with you.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
