um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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