mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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