This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This baby is an asshole
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
