she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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