i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
