You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
