Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
