i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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