I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
