She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
