I hate your face
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize