I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
