Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
