I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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