Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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