You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
