My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
