Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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