If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
