who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
