He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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