Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
