marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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