A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
