I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
