He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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