it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
