I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
