This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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