I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize