you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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