I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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