Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im six kinds of drunk right now
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I enjoy the company of your penis
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
