we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You took a bar mat shot.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
