After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
