wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
