What did we do last night that was yellow?
barbara walters just said penis...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
