Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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