do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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