His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
