that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
