careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
