I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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