I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
