Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
