I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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