1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
