he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
