Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
