I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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