Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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