It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
