How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
