so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
