I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
