then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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