Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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