I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
