I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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