Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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