??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
babies were throwing up all over the place
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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