he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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