And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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