You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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