You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you will always have a special place in my vag
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
