I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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