why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
