somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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