you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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